Wy wife is disturbed!

I met my wife Gail at an AA meeting in 1984 when we were both relatively new to sobriety, a couple months clean. Relationships are not recommended in the 1st year of sobriety but we managed to stay together and have been together ever since. Statistically the odds where against us and I don't recommend anyone new to sobriety to get involved with another member of any recovery program during the first year. This year Gail will be sober for 25 years and I am very proud of her. I can't say the same for myself. I have had a few slips over the years but that is another story.

She got involved in addictions treatment and went back to school to get her Bachelors degree and then her master degree. She has been deeply committed to helping addicts for the past 20 years. She is extremely smart and I am proud of how dedicated she is to her job and how much she has grown.

My wife has a very stressful job and since I can't work she took a part time job doing groups for the same company that she works full time for, creating additional stress for her. I feel bad and helpless that she has to work two jobs to pay my medical expenses. Our health insurance and all my copay's for my prescription's average almost $1300 a month out of our pocket.

Gail has been by my side through thick and thin. I spend anywhere from 10 to 30 days a year in the hospital and she drives the hour to hospital every single day, never fail. And during the week days she works all day and then comes to Massachusetts General Hospital to visit me. Most of nights I have to force her to leave the hospital because MGH is not very strict at enforcing their 8:00PM visiting hours ending. I get nervous that she has to drive the 40 miles home alone and in the dark from Boston. I couldn't ask for a more dedicated, loving wife.

Anyway, the Sunday morning I happened to mention that I don't believe in God anymore and she was really disturbed by my statement. She believed that we would spend our eternity together and I shattered her dream by telling her this. We watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and there was an episode that we watched a few years ago where Larry & Cheryl were talking about being together in eternity after death. Larry was against it and to make his wife happy he eventually conceded. Now I am in the same position as Larry. Gail & I made the same promise to each other. Sunday I tell her my beliefs and she is surprised and hurt. As the day went on I could see that she was dwelling on my statement and she was sad about my not believing in God.

I love my wife and don't want to hurt her, nor cause any additional stress so Sunday night I lied to her and told her that I did believe in God and not to worry, I was just frustrated with everything and didn't mean what I had said about not believing.

Am I wrong in deceiving her about my beliefs?

Religion, bah humbug!

I was raised a Catholic and received a Catholic education. Over the years my belief in God has wavered back and forth from believing to not believing. I want to believe in God but logically thinking it doesn't make any sense to me anymore and evolution/natural selection does.

When I question believers about the existence/proof of God I am always told the same "You have to have faith". What is Faith? Faith is a belief that an idea or a statement is the true without any proof. Faith isn't rational, it is a belief that something exists that you can't prove. All religions ask you to have faith in the existence of their God/God's and if you live according to the rules of the said religion that you will spend your eternity in heaven/bliss. And where do these rules come from? Usually from a book written by man/woman with an agenda to get you to follow their beliefs and contribute to their church and if you don't you will perish in hell. Scum bag's like Jerry Falwell preaching to the poor that they need to contribute more because if they don't they are robbing from God. That is total bullshit!

Most war's are fought in the name of God and religious beliefs. Million's of people over the centuries have killed their fellow human being all in the name of God and their beliefs, why? Is this what a loving God would want? May the best man win?

The God of my Catholic upbringing actually allowed his servant's the Catholic priest's to molest innocent children, he lets millions suffer from starvation and disease every day. A Supreme being that could prevent much of the horror that goes on in this world, yet he hide's himself and asks us to have faith and that it's all for a greater purpose.


I want to believe, I want to feel like I have a purpose but I don't. Logically thinking I can't help believing in Natural Selection and that mankind is on a path of self destruction. We will eventually destroy ourselvesand the whole process of evolution/natural selection will start over. We have become "too smart for our britches".